A Frank Question About The Right To Orgasm

I’ll be totally honest, I’m not entirely sure how to start this. A few opening paragraphs have travelled my mind in the past fifteen-or-so minutes, but none are quite right. Or at least, not right enough to commit fingers to keyboard. And usually, in these instances of not knowing how to start, I usually just get straight to the point.

Why isn’t it acceptable to pay a gigolo to masturbate your quadroplegic daughter to orgasm?

Allow me to break you in gently. Let’s start at the beginning…

There is a question I asked myself about eighteen months ago that I still can’t quite figure out the answer to. It either relates to the way the human brain actually works, or more than likely, the way society has this way of making our brains work. Society fools us into thinking certain ways and thus, we believe in certain truthes and falicies alike.

My question was a wonderance as to why we (and of course, I’ve done zero research, so read I) do not masturbate about people we/I care about.

Oh no, wait a second, I need to add a warning because I forgot that sex is still, generally speaking, a taboo subject.

This post is about sex. As in, sexy sex. But also gender sex. I will speak frankly about sex, and ask some questions – as I already have done – that might be uncomfortable to those who don’t like talking about the act in which a new human is created, and/or that pleasure is given and received during the varied forms of intimate bonding. So, back to the sex…

The question is something I posed to myself all those months ago as I realised that my libido had taken a dip. I hadn’t noticed at first but after a couple of weeks, I realised that I hadn’t sought sexual experiences with anyone or with myself, nor had I given much thought to them. But the weird thing was, this inclination away from sex directly correlated with a sudden upsurge in feelings towards someone. Yeah, I developed a silly crush on someone and (without initially realising) stopped masturbating.

Now, what has this to do with quadroplegics and orgasms? Well, I recently watched a stand-up comedy show by someone most who read this will have heard of. It was actually on the BBC no less and this comedian has been popular in the last few years, appearing on panel shows and presumably writing and performing comedy.

For the record, yes, my mind is weird but I do find it an incredibly interesting place and I am well aware of what I’m writing and the journey you – the reader – is currently experiencing.

The comedian I am referring to is Sara Pascoe and the show I watched was Lads Lads Lads. I was first introduced to Sara Pascoe via comedy panel shows, most probably QI if I’m being honest. She struck me as an intelligent person who has a voice, or tone, that is levelled and authoriative, but also a little playful and fun.

Anyway, I watched Lads Lads Lads and enjoyed it as my first experience of seeing Pascoe do stand-up. I recommend a looksy, especially if it’s still on iPlayer and for UK viewers, won’t cost you a penny (license tax, aside).

That was a few months ago, maybe two or three now. But this evening I was perusing Amazon and for some reason a book popped up in my recommendations, or was somehow introduced to my eyes via some complex algorithm that I willl never understand but will surely rue when such things take over the world.

I obediently clicked.

What I clicked on was Pascoe’s second (or possibly third) authored work to be printed, which had been released yesterday. Her book, Sex Power Money, interested me enough to to start reading the synopsis and accompanying blurb. And sure enough, there it was as one of the grab the potential reader pull quotes:

Why don’t people care about the welfare of the people they masturbate to?

That is basically, in a slightly roundabout way, my question from a few months back. I was hooked. I wanted to know more. I purchased. It is being delivered at some point this weekend.

So this led me to Google and up popped a radio interview on the iPlayer that annoyingly isn’t dated, but I’m guessing it is recent because Pascoe discusses her new book and topics therein. And finally, we come back to the start…

But before we do.

I am biologically male, identify as male and by-and-large straight. I was raised in a loving home with no religious adherence aside from the odd Scout/school thing. I am atheist to the point where I don’t even find the assertion “so you don’t believe in god at all?” correct, simply because there is no god to either believe or not believe in. Again, welcome to mind, enjoy your stay, don’t change the order my music is in.

So with this known, you’d probably guess that I’m a fairly open and tolerant thirty-something and I hope that I am indeed just that. And I hope (although perhaps realise that not) all people I know are at least somewhat intelligent and while not all have similar ideologies as myself (and I am thankful of that because diversity in humans is simply amazing) most are at least generally tolerant of others and understand that some things are nature, and some are nurture. And some are just unfathomable.

In this BBC iPlayer interview with Sara Pascoe, she starts to discuss sex workers and how her mother, who is “sex positive” and works with or for the NHS, thinks intimacy is a human right and therefore should in some circumstances perhaps be offered from our incredible and awe-inspiring health service.

I’ve used vague language there because in the interview Pascoe just mentions it as a passing introduction to what she actually wants to talk about and what I’ve written may not be exactly the thoughts of the person in question. But it does lead to the idea that intimacy is, or perhaps is not, a human right. And that leads us neatly back to what Pascoe then describes.

Pascoe states that she is aware of parents of a disabled son (she went on to use the term quadroplegic, and also someone who couldn’t speak) who paid for a sex worker to masturbate him.

Now, in my mind, this raises the question of who first raised the question about their child being denied the joy of an orgasm; the mother or the father? One has to wonder how that conversation happened. And to add context, simply wow to the parents for having the courage to deal with that. To answer the question, amazing parents, that’s who.

However, Sara went on to add a little twist to the wonderance, and suggested that as a society, that is generally accepted without too much argument. Is it strictly right? Is it legal? Is it correct? These questions are in a very grey area, or at least some are. But generally, and I myself admit I thought similar, it is considered okay. The disabled son (who I’m assuming is actually a young man) should experience the pleasure of an orgasm. And I put myself in the shoes of the parent and I’m struggling to find a reason why I wouldn’t allow that to happen. Again, assumptions included; he consented, wanted and was utimately thankful.

But the twist: what if we were discussing the parents of a disabled daughter. Would we be comfortable paying a guy (or girl) to do the same.

Should we get a gigolo to come in and finger our daughter?

Sara Pascoe started a conversation in my mind about how males and females are viewed differently. Of course, we all know the physical differences and these have been scientifically well-documented over the decades. But as a society, with all our thoughts, feelings, natures and nurtures, where the hell are we?

It’s just a question, and yes I will agree a fairly graphic one at that and not one that everyone wants to ask. But surely, even if it is just in your own mind and with total privacy, a question you should ask yourself.

It’s worth noting that Sara Pascoe is a comedian. But also someone who is asking questions. She, like us, doesn’t have the answers. But I admire someone who can ask questions.

Further Reading

Sex Power Money – Sara Pascoe
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