The Feeling Of Impending Apprehension

By

White Wall
Every November, I get a feeling cursing through my veins. It isn’t a particularly nice sensation, but there are positives to take from it. I always try to see the good side; the potential success of applying maximum effort. But the required drain on my life, my energy and my sanity usually means that at some point in this darkened season of Christmas and coldness, apprehension wins and I slump in my chair and stare at the wall for a good few hours. Nothing but thoughts, recollections, triumphs and failures. I am, of course, considering the 2009 Formula One season and BlogF1.

Each and every year that has passed through the database of BlogF1 has been met with more posts, more comments and more exposure. This is good, you’d think, and honestly, it really is. There is little more enjoyment from a blogger’s perspective than more feedback, more praise and more constructive criticism. To write, and to write well, to see something grow and develop… it really is something special.

That something special though nearly always turns into the dreaded thought of what will happen next year. For me, that moment is now. The off-season may only be a day or two old, but already I’m filled with thoughts on how I can top 2008. So far this year, BlogF1 has seen 585 posts, 3259 comments and more and more visitors. I’m seeing new names in the comments all the time, and 2008 has welcomed so many new regulars I have lost count.

I felt, giving my personal issues some consideration as well, that I was pretty much maxed out this year. As I was speeding along faster than my brain could cope, I couldn’t see how I could do any more. But then, I always think like that. I always presume I’m at top speed, in top gear and the throttle really can’t open any more, no matter how hard I push on the pedal. But as each season passes, I excel. I beat my previous. The site grows and I become ever more impressed with my new-found ability to juggle everything that is happening.

Last year, I posted 424 articles to BlogF1 (up from 225 in 2006), 2008 will likely see somewhere around the 650 mark. Comments for 2007 totalled 978; quite the step up to 3259 so far for this year. And while these numbers are great and fill me with joy – they really, honestly do – I cannot help but think about 2009 and worry. I shouldn’t, of course, but I do, because that’s simply me. I always find a way of improving something, bettering something or just becoming better at what I do. The thought of doing that yet again though adds pressure to the shoulders. It fills me with the feeling of impending apprehension.

So please excuse me while I move my chair in front of a blank wall, put my feet up, and just stare for a while.